Somebody has had too much. They are looking for their keys, or they are getting loud, or they have gone quiet in a way that is worrying you. And you are the host, which means it is your problem and you have to solve it in a room full of people who are watching.
Three things sit inside this, and it helps to separate them before the night rather than during it.
The medical question, which is not yours to assess. The legal question, which this page will not answer. The social question, which is the one you can actually prepare for, and which is most of this article.
The two things this page will not tell you
Said first, because a page that buries this is worse than useless.
It publishes no medical signs and no thresholds. No list of symptoms, no number of drinks, no blood alcohol figure, no timing. That is deliberate: a partial list read by a worried host at midnight leads to someone deciding a person is fine, and that is the exact failure this omission prevents.
What replaces it is a rule. If you are worried enough to be looking this up while it is happening, call emergency services. Not later, not after you have watched for a bit, and not after they have had a coffee. If someone cannot be woken, is having difficulty breathing, has been sick while not fully conscious, or has taken anything alongside alcohol, that is an emergency call. In the US a poison control center is also a phone call away and will advise on an ingestion.
Never leave someone who is very drunk alone to sleep it off, and never assume that sleeping means the situation has resolved. Somebody stays with them, in the same room, until they are clearly all right or until help arrives.
It also asserts no legal position. A host's responsibility for a guest who has been drinking varies by state in the US, and this page names no statute, no doctrine and no duty. If that question matters to you, it is a lawyer's question in your own state, and it is worth asking in advance if you host regularly or serve alcohol at events.
The arrangements that prevent most of it
Almost everything that works is decided before people arrive, and none of it requires confronting anybody.
Decide how people are getting home, at the invitation stage. Not on the night. "How are you getting back?" asked casually a week before is a normal question; the same question at eleven o'clock is a confrontation.
Serve food, properly and throughout. Not a bowl of chips at the start. Food that people actually eat, available for the whole evening.
Make the non-alcoholic option genuinely good. Not one bottle of something at the back. Something that a person can hold and drink all evening without being asked why they are not drinking. This does more than any intervention later, and it matters for reasons beyond intoxication: some guests do not drink at all, and a party where the only real option is alcohol is a party some people have to explain themselves at. The principle is the same one that governs a good gift for someone who does not drink: remove the need for anybody to announce anything.
Have somebody sober by design, and preferably somebody who is not you. A host is busy.
Know your local options in advance. Numbers for taxis, whichever apps work where you live, and which of your guests lives near which other guest.
Have a spare bed, a sofa and a blanket ready rather than assembled in a hurry at midnight. If staying over is easy, staying over happens.
Decide when the bar closes. Ending the drinks before ending the party is a normal and unremarkable thing to do, and it works better than anything you can do once someone is past a line.
During: taking the keys, and the words for it
The conversation everyone dreads. Three things make it easier.
Have it early. The moment you first think "they should not drive" is the easiest moment there will be. Every subsequent moment is harder.
Make it about arrangements, not about them. The sentence that works is a plan, not a judgment.
- "I've already booked you a car, it's outside in ten minutes."
- "Stay tonight, the sofa's made up, it's easier than sorting a taxi."
- "Leave the car here, pick it up tomorrow, it's fine on the drive."
- "I'll drop you, I'm not drinking."
Notice what none of those says: you are drunk. You are not diagnosing anyone. You are offering a plan, and a plan is much harder to argue with than an accusation.
Have it privately. Away from the room. An audience turns a conversation into a stand-off, and people defend themselves in public who would accept help in a hallway.
Enlist one other person, ideally someone the guest is close to. Two people offering the same arrangement is very different from one person deciding something.
Be prepared to be firm and to accept it being awkward. If someone insists, you can hide keys, you can stand in a doorway, you can call someone who matters to them, and you can call the police if a person is about to drive. Every one of those is an unpleasant option and all of them are better than the alternative. An awkward evening is recoverable. Nothing else on this list is.
The guest who is not a driving problem but is a problem
The other version: nobody is driving, and somebody is now being difficult, loud, upsetting other guests, or unwell.
Move rather than confront. A quieter room, outside for air, the kitchen. Changing the setting resolves more than talking does.
Give them a job. Occupation is remarkably effective and it is not patronising if it is a real one.
Get their person. Whoever they came with, or whoever they listen to.
Do not argue with someone who is drunk. It does not work, and it converts a situation into a scene.
Protect the other guests first. If someone is making others uncomfortable, the others are your responsibility too. Getting the person home is the kindest available answer, and it is also the one that ends it.
Do not put a person in a car alone if you are worried about them. Send them with someone, or let them stay.
The next morning
Two things.
Follow up. A short message. It is the kind thing and it is also how you find out they got home.
Do not make it a story. The way a host handles this is remembered, and it is remembered by everyone who was there. Handling it quietly is the whole skill.
If you were the one who intervened and it was awkward, that awkwardness usually resolves itself within a week. Almost nobody, sober, resents having been stopped.
Where this belongs in planning
This is not a separate discipline. It sits with the other things a host decides in advance rather than improvises, alongside the doors, the flames, the cords and who is watching whom: the host's safety checklist is where those decisions live.
The pattern across all of them is the same. A decision made before people arrive is easy, and the same decision at eleven o'clock is a confrontation.
Frequently asked questions
How do I tell whether a guest has had too much?
This page deliberately publishes no symptom list, no drink count, no blood alcohol figure and no timing, because a partial list read by a worried host at midnight is how somebody decides a person is fine. The rule that replaces it is simpler and safer: if you are worried enough to be looking this up while it is happening, call emergency services. Someone who cannot be woken, is having difficulty breathing, has been sick while not fully conscious, or has taken anything alongside alcohol is an emergency call, not a wait-and-see. In the US a poison control center is also a phone call away and will advise on an ingestion. And never leave someone who is very drunk alone to sleep it off, or treat sleeping as the situation resolving. Somebody stays in the room with them until they are clearly all right or until help arrives.
Am I legally responsible for a guest who has been drinking?
This page asserts no legal position and names no statute, doctrine or duty, because host responsibility varies by state in the US and no national page can answer it for your address. If the question matters to you, it is a lawyer's question in your own state, and it is worth asking in advance rather than afterwards if you host regularly or serve alcohol at events.
What do I actually say when I take someone's keys?
Say a plan, not a judgment, and say it early: the first moment you think "they should not drive" is the easiest moment there will be. Lines that work sound like "I've already booked you a car, it's outside in ten minutes", "stay tonight, the sofa's made up", "leave the car here and pick it up tomorrow", or "I'll drop you, I'm not drinking". None of them says you are drunk, because you are not diagnosing anybody, and a plan is far harder to argue with than an accusation. Have it privately rather than in front of the room, since people defend themselves in public who would accept help in a hallway, and bring in one other person the guest is close to, because two people offering the same arrangement lands differently from one person deciding something.
What if they insist on driving anyway?
Then you get firm and you accept that the evening becomes awkward. You can hide keys, stand in a doorway, call someone who matters to them, and call the police if a person is about to drive. All of those are unpleasant and all of them are better than the alternative, because an awkward evening is recoverable and nothing else on this list is. Almost nobody, sober, resents having been stopped, and the awkwardness usually resolves within a week.
What can I do in advance so this never comes up?
Nearly everything that works is arranged before anyone arrives and none of it involves confronting a person. Ask how people are getting home at the invitation stage, when it is a normal question rather than the confrontation it becomes at eleven o'clock. Serve real food throughout, not a bowl of chips at the start. Make the non-alcoholic option genuinely good, so nobody has to explain why they are not drinking. Have somebody sober by design, preferably not you, since a host is busy. Know the taxi numbers and which guests live near each other. Make up the spare bed or the sofa in advance, because if staying over is easy, staying over happens. And decide when the bar closes, which is an unremarkable thing to do and works better than anything available once someone is past a line.
The short version
- No medical signs and no thresholds appear here on purpose. If you are worried enough to be reading this while it is happening, call emergency services.
- Never leave someone very drunk alone, and never assume sleeping means resolved.
- No legal position is asserted. Host responsibility varies by state; that is a lawyer's question.
- Prevention is arrangements: ask about transport at the invitation, serve real food, make the non-alcoholic option good, have a sober person, close the bar early.
- Have the keys conversation early, privately, and as a plan rather than a judgment.
- Awkward is recoverable. Be firm.
- Follow up the next day, and do not make it a story.
